How to Avoid Getting Together with Your Ex

Breaking up can be a difficult process, but sometimes, remaining broken up poses an even greater difficulty. You may know in your gut a relationship just isn’t good for you. Even if your ex persistently presses to get back together, or you still have feelings for them. To move on, you need to create healthy personal boundaries.
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If Your Ex Is Persistent

Sometimes your ex doesn’t want to break up or refuses to accept you really mean what you say. In this case, you can create some boundaries that will be helpful for you. Consider limiting social media, even though it may be tempting to spy on your ex or vent about the breakup. Most social media have a way to mute, snooze, or block someone if needed. 

Other possible boundaries include:

  • only interacting when your ex is calm,
  • putting headphones in your ears when drama increases, or
  • blocking their number.

If Your Ex Is Persistent, set your boundaries

Since you can’t control your former flame, you can avoid drama post-breakup by limiting YOUR amount of drama. Only engage in the post-breakup process when you feel calm. Some tips include avoiding defensiveness, criticism, yelling, swearing, and stonewalling. 

Another way to reduce the drama is being careful not to feed off another person’s emotions. Keep yourself emotionally healthy with empathy, but do not absorb whatever your ex is feeling and expressing. Your calm presence may rub off on them too.

If You Still Have Feelings for Your Ex

You can still love someone but know they aren’t the right person. This feels counterintuitive, but it’s real. 

First, recognize that your feelings are natural when you feel physical and emotional attraction. Fighting that attraction can make the problem worse: the feelings and thoughts of your ex become stuck in your mind instead of blowing away as most fleeting things do. 

Second, you can try and observe your feelings as a reporter would. Feel no judgment, just watch as you practice mindfulness. After acknowledging these feelings are natural, it would be easier to accept them and move on.

If You Still Have Feelings for Your Ex, don't judge yourself - acknowledge them, observe, and be mindful

Sometimes it can be helpful to talk your relationship over with your ex or someone else to process the sadness or shame. Acknowledge what didn’t work, so you both know how to succeed in the next relationship.

Set your personal boundaries for future contact with your ex. Try avoiding situations of being alone with them. If you need fewer reminders, mute your ex for a few months on social media. Understand it will take time and processing your feelings to feel at peace.

Finding Peace to Restart

After a breakup, you will probably have a lot of feelings swirling around you. It may be hard to focus, so give yourself some space to heal. This is a good time for basic self-care—eat fruits and veggies, ride a bike, or take a nap. Do what will rejuvenate you. When you feel at peace, you can dive back into the dating pool without the extra baggage.

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