Your romantic relationship can become a nice and familiar environment. You get used to its dynamics, rules, peculiarities—and even disadvantages. While you might agree to put up with some minor inconveniences, the 11 unhealthy habits listed below are massive red flags. If you want to be happy, you can’t look past them. If your relationship ticks too many items on the list, maybe it’s time you and your partner split up and went your separate ways—or started looking for a way to fix things.
1. Does not keep promises
There are multiple reasons why your partner may fail to keep their promises. They may be careless, not committed to your relationship enough, have inflated expectations, etc. They say don t make promises you can t keep. But your partner may have never intended to keep the promise in the first place, because they do not respect you enough, can't be open with you and say 'no,' or don't want to look dependable to others.
Regardless of the reason, a broken promise can be fatal to a romantic relationship. It eats away at your ability to trust your significant other. Day by day, you'll be feeling less emotionally safe. Broken promises are a big red flag. You need to stay on the lookout if you notice your partner is not always true to their word and decide whether you want to fix it together or walk away.
2. Relationship rules mean nothing
All couples are different, and the regulations they follow in their relationship can be very versatile. From the most fundamental principles like 'respect your partner' to the kinkiest ideas like throuple relationship rules, anything is possible if the partners are ready to invest in creating and maintaining their 'rule book.'
Some rules may be unsaid and obvious, while others need to be specifically articulated. But no matter how simple or complicated these rules are, they need to be observed by everyone involved. A healthy relationship is an alliance, but if your partner does not follow the regulation you set forth together, you might need to consider whether they care about being your ally.
3. Does not put you first
Relationships are reciprocal. And if you feel like you are giving your partner more than you receive in return, it might be actually—and unfortunately—true. At the beginning, you could find excuses like "they are not YET including me in their family life or financial decision," but later on, it will be progressively harder to justify.
Straight from the start, stay on the lookout for canceled plans, lack of interest in your opinion, a need to have all the control, forgotten special occasions, important decisions you haven't been included in on, and other red flags. If you see them, think: should you stay with someone who does not put you first? The decision is up to you, but you'd probably want to see whether your partner ticks some more items on this list before you make it.
4. Believes he or she is always right
"My soulmate thinks she/he is always right." You won't believe how often this complaint is repeated by people who are less than happy with their romantic relationship. The need to always be right can arise for many reasons, but no matter what they are, it is still a defense mechanism. Your partner is unwilling to show their vulnerability around you.
The need to always be right is mostly an unconscious process, so they might not even realize why they are acting this way. Your partner may be compensating for lack of self-sufficiency, fear, or shame. However, the end result is still the same: your opinion seems to mean nothing to them. And since this defense mechanism is ingrained into their personality, they will keep insisting they are right, despite hurting you. They will hardly realize their wrongdoings, too, and it is a massive, albeit unconsciously raised, red flag.
5. Constantly makes up different excuses
If your partner makes excuses literally all the time, even if you are not really cross with them, and tries to blame everything that goes wrong on the circumstances, it's another sad sign. The reasons for this type of behavior can be different—yet again, but it doesn't mean that you have to tolerate it. After all, this is what therapists are for.
Making excuses can indicate a lack of responsibility. Your partner is avoiding it or the criticism that might come together with failure. Or they may be too proud and opinionated to admit their fault. In this case, they may even try to pin it on you, especially if they consider themselves more intelligent than you are.
Another reason for their excuses may be rooted in their childhood. Your partner may have been brought up in an abusive environment and is used to walking on eggshells.
6. Endless quarrels
When you and your partner have an argument, it might feel satisfying and even cathartic while it is happening. But if that same argument is repeated multiple times or if you can't start a simple discussion without getting at each other's throats, you should take it as a wake-up call.
Arguments rattle the very foundation of your relationship. When they become a daily habit, the divide between you and your partner may start expanding. And once it's so vast that nothing can bridge the gap, you can grow apart unless you find a constructive way to quarrel.
There is no place for lying in a romantic relationship. You and your partner are supposed to have an uninhibited emotional connection, a level of openness and understanding that cannot be achieved in any other relationship in your life. You might think that little white lies or lying by omission can be a form of kindness. Unfortunately, something as seemingly harmless as lying about one's preferences in food or music, especially at the beginning, can hurt your relationship in the long run. These relationship lies build up a barrier between you and your partner. Every small lie is like a brick that will eventually turn the low barrier into a sky-high wall.
8. Trying to change your significant other
Your partner has a complex personality, and, of course, you mostly see the best in them. But you might also feel the urge to encourage them to become the best version of themselves. While it's natural for people to grow and adopt new personality traits in a relationship, trying to change your loved one can have devastating consequences. By insisting on that change, you show disrespect. Helping them abandon a bad habit will be appreciated, but the personality features you dislike are not unhealthy. They are actually what makes your partner unique. If you set on a mission to fix them, you can hurt your partner's feelings and betray their trust. For them, it would feel as if you were saying: "You are not good enough for me," which, obviously, will break down their self-esteem and make them feel unsafe.
9. Hurt you physically or mentally
Hardly any relationship can exist without conflict. Disagreements are an essential part of co-existence and often a productive way of working out a solution that suits both partners. But when that disagreement turns into violence, it becomes the red flag you can't afford to overlook. There is no place for violence in a relationship, no excuse for it, and there is only one rule: violence is NEVER okay.
There can be different types of violence: physical, emotional, verbal, and even economic. But you must remember this: romantic relationships are partnerships that make people's lives easier and better. You should not be afraid of your partner's reaction to your actions, be unable to meet with friends or family because your partner gets jealous, tolerate it if they have hurt you physically or mentally, or be afraid of breaking simple promises or saying 'no' to them. A violent relationship is not a place anyone wants to find themselves in. If it has already happened, one should put their safety first and end the relationship as soon as possible.
10. Not Listening
It goes without saying that communication is one of the key aspects of a healthy relationship. Discussing current developments, sharing thoughts, and openly speaking about feelings builds trust and intimacy. However, any conversation has two sides; saying things aloud will only do you good if your partner listens to you. Without their ability to listen, actually hear and understand you, communication loses its point.
When you are at your most vulnerable, e.g., trying to complain or share your desires and needs, pay attention to how your partner reacts. If they flip the situation around to blame you, if they ridicule you or do not take your complaints seriously, if they space out or leave the room, it means that your partner doesn't really hear you. It hurts a lot, but before you call them out on that, please check: maybe you are not listening to them, either. Effective conversation is a skill that can be acquired and honed, so consider turning to professionals for help if you want to improve this side of your relationship.
11. Compare your relationship with others
Every relationship has its unique dynamics, which makes comparing yours to somebody else's counterproductive. First of all, it's impossible to know what the couple behaves like when they are not in public. Their private life may differ dramatically from the image they create for people to see. Secondly, while comparing your relationship to others', you seldom focus on why yours is better. You often concentrate on the positives your relationship is missing. At the same time, you may not realize that these things won't be as good for you and your partner. For example, your friends may have a cute tradition of hiking together on weekends, and you or your partner would also like to do that. But hiking may not be recommended for you for health reasons. You may have other traditions like cooking or even bingeing on TV shows together. They are also cute and special—for your relationship. So, don't compare your relationship to others—or focus on the good things you have.